i'm not a steady eddy

I get things done in bursts. The gimpy ankle is not conducive to my habits. Everything takes so much longer than it used to.

Oh, how I wish I could be a steady eddy, whose every stride is some modest accomplishment, which accumulates over the course of the day into some triumphant crossed-off to-do list.

if you really want to know what's been on my heart for the last 24 hours

Psalm 22:6
But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by mankind and despised by the people.

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. The life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the one who loved me and gave himself for me.

Ephesians 4:29
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Philippians 4:5
Let your reasonableness be made known to everyone. The Lord is at hand.

Matthew 16:25
For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

i hopped on the computer to do something else, but my desire to write a "brain dump" cannot be overcome

I really have a lot to say, but I don't want to overwhelm you with bulky paragraphs. I will try to be brief.

Relationships:
I think I have a habit of inadvertently making people feel insignificant. I hope it's not true, but if it is, I don't know what to do about it.

Reading the Bible:
I want to do this everyday this year (well, not just this year...). What I read affects what I want. That can be good...or dangerous.

Christmas:
I'm trying to figure out why I dreaded (and would have avoided) Christmas this year. That's not to say I wasn't excited to see my parents and aunts and uncle who visited. I highly anticipated that. But, Christmas, the gifts, the traditions...it's shameful for me to admit this so blatantly, but I could have skipped it.

Avery:
My hopes for him range from incredibly superficial (Please, Lord, give him another front tooth!) to desperate pleading (Lord, save him!!! I want to see him satisfied in You!). On a somewhat separate note, I've learned that he's just not that expressive and I need to stop faulting (and sometimes loathing) him for his communication style. I know I sound harsh, but maybe the next category will clarify...

(my) Emotions:
When I communicate how I feel about something, I am NOT making the statement that this is how I SHOULD feel about it. What I usually mean is, "I'm feeling _______, but I know that's not right and I need to change." Recently realized that Brent is totally different. (You're all saying "duh".) And so when he hears me say, "I'm feeling ________." He thinks I mean that the circumstance needs to change...not me. Nope. I need to change.

the Ankle:
Feels so much better. Still can't walk normally, still need the brace, but don't necessarily need crutches. Had company over last night and was honestly embarrassed that I was neither nimble nor quick!

New Year's Eve meal:
Chipotle + a margarita = a colon cleanse, I think. Hm. Maybe we should submit the bill to Health Partners.

New Year's Eve company and games:
Games + three couples who love games = lots and lots of hilarity. Learned a new game. If I can find a directions online, I'll link here. It would be worth your time. I'm addicted. I want to play right now.

Fiction:
hm...I've written a post about the latest thing I read. I need to edit it and see if I want to post. I love fiction. I can finish novels. It's impossible for me to be too careful about what I feed my brain, though. Seriously. I think it can send me into a spiritual coma or something. And I don't think the solution is a buncha Christian lit. I could use a list of tried and true novels that won't pollute my mind.

the blog:
How much can I reveal in my heart without feeling overly exposed? And...why do I even have a blog? I mean, I just meant it to be a virtual scrapbook and now it's like some Christmas letter with too many random details that never ends...

Speaking of Christmas Letters...
I didn't send out Christmas cards this year. Fits in with the inexplicable Christmas-dread thing. I've thought about doing a New Year's card, but I can tell already that I probably won't follow through with it.

Ending this post:
I have to do it somehow. How about abruptly?

the conversation that ensued after a trip to the ER this afternoon (instead of going to marty's house)

Me: Hey, Marty! Sorry I didn't make it today.
Marty: Hey, Jenna. How are you?
Me: I have a sprained ankle. It was really more embarrassing than anything else. It was like, "Nice to meet you. Wait a minute while I biff on the ice with my baby on my hip and injure myself requiring your supervision over said baby and your fetching some ibuprofen for me and your in-home hospice care until my husband gets home from work."
Marty: [laughing and then remembering unwarranted guilty feelings] I went out on a fiber optic limb for you today. Made some calls to friends in your area. Just be expecting something to arrive tonight.
Me: [realizing that gifts = unwarranted guilty feelings] No, Marty. You don't need to feel badly. It's not your fault.
Marty: No, I had to (at the very least) order some pizzas for you as a guilt offering.
Me: Marty?! Did you order me some atonement pizza?
Marty: Yes. [very dryly] One extra-large atonement pizza.

and, scene!

So, yes, I slipped on that sneaky ice and sprained my ankle. I'll be on crutches when I'm up and on my computer when I'm down.
And, yes, I was just heading out the door to hang at the Button's house.
And, yes, I had just met someone five seconds before I went "thwack" on the ice. He is the father of the girl I was bringing to the Button's as a favor (oh, the irony!).
Oh. And if you were imagining my sons worried or slightly concerned about my welfare, I'll just leave you with this quote courtesy of Avery after our trip to the E.R.

"So, is it 100% that were not going to the Buttons?"

seriously.

i didn't grow up listening to country...still don't, really

But, this genre holds the unofficial title for Best (or is it worst?) song titles. I had a little chuckle as I perused some titles on the web.

Here's my Top Ten:

"You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly"

"If You Don't Believe I Love You Just Ask My Wife"

"I've Been Roped and Throwed by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral"

"She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger"

"I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line"

"If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will"

"If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You"

"I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You"

"I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!"

and my personal favorite...

"Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure"

while it's still fresh in my mind

Miles just shared with me a(nother) "Jet Father" story. It's been almost a year (if not more) since I've heard one. Here's the conversation, story included:

Miles: Three's when I started being afraid at night. Aaaand, three's when I started telling stories about my Jet Father.
Me: I haven't heard one of those in awhile. Got any Jet Father stories?
Miles: hm. (pause) yeah.

"There was an evil guy. And it was me, the evil guy and Avery. My Jet Father had a vegetable garden and it rained. So, it got really muddy. So. We took the mud and made a cannon and some mud balls. After a day, they dried and we blasted them at the bad guy. (He was a robber...that's what made him bad.) Also, we took the mud and wrote on his house: 'Bad boy, bad boy, whatchya gonna do 'cause they're after you.' We called the police. Then, the polices came and arrested him. After he was arrested, we made his house into our clubhouse. Oh! And I washed the mud off his house with a hose."

Me: Seriously?
Miles: Mommy, you know that my Jet Father isn't real, right?
Me: Yeah, I know.
Miles: Well, then, yes. In Jet Fatherland, 'seriously'.

Me: Good story, Mi. Thanks for telling me. Hey, Miles.
Miles: Yeah?
Me: I'm so glad you're not, like, my fifth child.
Miles: If I was your fifth child, I wouldn't even be born yet!
Me: I know. I'm so glad I've had you for six years already.

And then he hugs me.
The end.
seriously.

a proposal for those who wish to remain anonymous

It totally doesn't bother me that people "lurk" on my blog. At all. It doesn't feel intrusive. I am a fellow "lurker" at heart. Actually, I'm an avid eavesdropper. I Love listening to conversations between strangers. I remember a time Brent and I were at an airport and he was talking to me and I shushed him. Remarkably, the noise he was making pierced the bulletproof prison glass which my mind had constructed in order to block out all noise but the repartee of strangers. In the end, the content wasn't memorable, but it captured my attention for a few minutes. I love listening in. So, lurkers, I feel you!

(But, here's where we're different.)

When it's appropriate, I love putting in my two cents. Anyone who's been out in public with me has seen it. I talk to strangers. There's always something to say, to ask, to comment on, etc. I've wondered if it seems obnoxious, but I recently witnessed a friend do this. It was quite amusing to watch Molly interact with this ageless pink-haired, black-clad emaciated emo fella. He was enthusiastically giving her the low down on Tamagachis. It was great. But, I think I've digressed. The point is that it's o.k. for strangers to talk. (At least, I think that's my point.)

So, you anonymous non-commenters have me curious.

As totally ironic as this is...I have a question for you:

How do you keep so quiet out there?

You don't have to tell me who you are or whether you know me. But, if you did leave a comment, what would you say? Or, why do you remain so silent?

if i've said it once, i've said it a hundred times...

I am not a shopper. I'm lost when it comes to getting "just the right gift".

I've procrastinated Christmas shopping thus far, because...I've said this countless times...

One hour at the mall--or any shopping establishment--gives me the same feeling as if I've donated a pint of blood.

Can anyone relate???

Remember this brilliant ad campaign? (Consider this my Christmas gift to the commenters of this blog!!!)

Abraham Piper's 22-word Kid Story Challenge

One phrase I taught my children which has come back to bite me consistently is "Smelt it/Dealt it."

Not. usually. true.

(Enjoy more 22-word kid stories by linking from AP's blog)