thoughts at 39 weeks pregz

1. Do you know why I love Avery the most? (Okay, I don't really have a favorite, but I did for about five minutes this morning.) On the way to school today, he said, "You don't look pregnant enough to have the baby."

2. I am still in shock and denial that I'm pregnant.

3. The last thought is somewhat surprising because, wow, I have gained a lot of weight, I can hardly breathe, and I have one outfit that I like to wear.

4. I don't like blogging about pregnancy, because it feels insensitive to those who would really, really like to be pregnant right now. At the same time, it's a major reality for me. I'm torn.

5. If I should go another 24 hours pregnant, this will be the longest pregnancy I have experienced. That's right. I've never had to go the full 40 weeks before.

6. I thought that I'd get an epidural this time, because I've had back labor (read: hell-on-earth-kind-of-pain) during the last two deliveries. But, I'm truly freaked out by the needle going into my back. We'll see.

7. I've had three children before. I can't imagine having a newborn. Figure that one out.

8. I have not set up the baby bed or fully packed a hospital bag. denial, denial, denial...

9. I am most tired between 4 and 6:30 p.m. I can make dinner, but I feel like I'm in a waking coma at the table.

10. Did you know I make nursing covers?? (of course.) Yeah, I haven't made one for myself. Maybe I should do that.

11. Most common question: Have you named the baby? Honest Answer: Not really. In fact, we've never named a baby officially before they were born.

12. This is the coldest weather that I've had to endure during a third trimester. Miles was born in October. But that was in St. Louis. Generally, there aren't forecasts for flurries in St. Louis in October. I don't have a maternity coat. It's cold.

13. It's really hard to have a positive tone when you're this pregnant. That's another reason I haven't blogged much. I kinda just feel grumpy and don't want to subject you (too often, anyway) to this negativity.

14. I think we can attribute #13 to LACK OF SLEEP.

15. Please don't say, "That prepares you for baby." It doesn't. There is NOTHING that can prepare ANYONE for a newborn...except for previous experience. It is generally easier every time, depending on the health of baby and mom.

16. Did I mention that Jillian doesn't nap anymore. It sucks. It really, really sucks. I am also in denial about this. I still put her in her crib and say, "night night," and just let her deal for awhile. Eventually, her chit-chat turns into, "MOM!!! MOM!!! I mot a cacker! MOMMMMM! I'm ah done. Come hAre!!!" oh brother. Lord, help me. It's more mind-numbing to hear fussiness through a monitor than in person. Amen??

17. If I give birth this weekend, Jenny W. or Jenny R. better bring me some Sunday papers. I still want to clip coupons!!! ;-)

18. I decided about a month ago, that I'll deliver the baby October 9. That's tomorrow. The doctor and baby are not aware of this decision. And God didn't necessarily agree to this plan either. hm.

19. I started a sewing project for someone a LONG time ago. I'm convinced that God loves this person so much that he won't let me go into labor until it's done. I'm gonna try to get it done tonight.

20. Jillian is yelling "MAMA!!! I am AH! DONE!" Better go. Good news is that Brent called earlier to say, "Don't make dinner. I'll take care of it." THANK YOU, BRENT!!!