Tuesday, December 30, 2008

the conversation that ensued after a trip to the ER this afternoon (instead of going to marty's house)

Me: Hey, Marty! Sorry I didn't make it today.
Marty: Hey, Jenna. How are you?
Me: I have a sprained ankle. It was really more embarrassing than anything else. It was like, "Nice to meet you. Wait a minute while I biff on the ice with my baby on my hip and injure myself requiring your supervision over said baby and your fetching some ibuprofen for me and your in-home hospice care until my husband gets home from work."
Marty: [laughing and then remembering unwarranted guilty feelings] I went out on a fiber optic limb for you today. Made some calls to friends in your area. Just be expecting something to arrive tonight.
Me: [realizing that gifts = unwarranted guilty feelings] No, Marty. You don't need to feel badly. It's not your fault.
Marty: No, I had to (at the very least) order some pizzas for you as a guilt offering.
Me: Marty?! Did you order me some atonement pizza?
Marty: Yes. [very dryly] One extra-large atonement pizza.

and, scene!

So, yes, I slipped on that sneaky ice and sprained my ankle. I'll be on crutches when I'm up and on my computer when I'm down.
And, yes, I was just heading out the door to hang at the Button's house.
And, yes, I had just met someone five seconds before I went "thwack" on the ice. He is the father of the girl I was bringing to the Button's as a favor (oh, the irony!).
Oh. And if you were imagining my sons worried or slightly concerned about my welfare, I'll just leave you with this quote courtesy of Avery after our trip to the E.R.

"So, is it 100% that were not going to the Buttons?"


Monday, December 29, 2008

i didn't grow up listening to country...still don't, really

But, this genre holds the unofficial title for Best (or is it worst?) song titles. I had a little chuckle as I perused some titles on the web.

Here's my Top Ten:

"You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly"

"If You Don't Believe I Love You Just Ask My Wife"

"I've Been Roped and Throwed by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral"

"She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger"

"I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line"

"If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will"

"If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You"

"I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You"

"I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!"

and my personal favorite...

"Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure"

Saturday, December 27, 2008

while it's still fresh in my mind

Miles just shared with me a(nother) "Jet Father" story. It's been almost a year (if not more) since I've heard one. Here's the conversation, story included:

Miles: Three's when I started being afraid at night. Aaaand, three's when I started telling stories about my Jet Father.
Me: I haven't heard one of those in awhile. Got any Jet Father stories?
Miles: hm. (pause) yeah.

"There was an evil guy. And it was me, the evil guy and Avery. My Jet Father had a vegetable garden and it rained. So, it got really muddy. So. We took the mud and made a cannon and some mud balls. After a day, they dried and we blasted them at the bad guy. (He was a robber...that's what made him bad.) Also, we took the mud and wrote on his house: 'Bad boy, bad boy, whatchya gonna do 'cause they're after you.' We called the police. Then, the polices came and arrested him. After he was arrested, we made his house into our clubhouse. Oh! And I washed the mud off his house with a hose."

Me: Seriously?
Miles: Mommy, you know that my Jet Father isn't real, right?
Me: Yeah, I know.
Miles: Well, then, yes. In Jet Fatherland, 'seriously'.

Me: Good story, Mi. Thanks for telling me. Hey, Miles.
Miles: Yeah?
Me: I'm so glad you're not, like, my fifth child.
Miles: If I was your fifth child, I wouldn't even be born yet!
Me: I know. I'm so glad I've had you for six years already.

And then he hugs me.
The end.

Monday, December 22, 2008

a proposal for those who wish to remain anonymous

It totally doesn't bother me that people "lurk" on my blog. At all. It doesn't feel intrusive. I am a fellow "lurker" at heart. Actually, I'm an avid eavesdropper. I Love listening to conversations between strangers. I remember a time Brent and I were at an airport and he was talking to me and I shushed him. Remarkably, the noise he was making pierced the bulletproof prison glass which my mind had constructed in order to block out all noise but the repartee of strangers. In the end, the content wasn't memorable, but it captured my attention for a few minutes. I love listening in. So, lurkers, I feel you!

(But, here's where we're different.)

When it's appropriate, I love putting in my two cents. Anyone who's been out in public with me has seen it. I talk to strangers. There's always something to say, to ask, to comment on, etc. I've wondered if it seems obnoxious, but I recently witnessed a friend do this. It was quite amusing to watch Molly interact with this ageless pink-haired, black-clad emaciated emo fella. He was enthusiastically giving her the low down on Tamagachis. It was great. But, I think I've digressed. The point is that it's o.k. for strangers to talk. (At least, I think that's my point.)

So, you anonymous non-commenters have me curious.

As totally ironic as this is...I have a question for you:

How do you keep so quiet out there?

You don't have to tell me who you are or whether you know me. But, if you did leave a comment, what would you say? Or, why do you remain so silent?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

if i've said it once, i've said it a hundred times...

I am not a shopper. I'm lost when it comes to getting "just the right gift".

I've procrastinated Christmas shopping thus far, because...I've said this countless times...

One hour at the mall--or any shopping establishment--gives me the same feeling as if I've donated a pint of blood.

Can anyone relate???

Monday, December 15, 2008

every single morning i wake up thinking...

I'm going to get to bed earlier tonight.

almost never do I follow through with that

I really want to write a new post. Nobody wants to see a post about the Christmas Shoes song anymore.


I must go to sleep early...ish tonight, because...

"Potty mouth" is a known side effect of sleep deprivation.

That's right. If I stay up to write something, I'll go to sleep a zombie and wake up as a sailor.

We wouldn't want that to happen, would we?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

when it comes to modern christmas music, there's two kinds of people

I love Christmas music. The soundtrack of my childhood Christmas memories is as follows: Ray Coniff Jr., Amy Grant, the Nutcracker and George Winston's Winter album...and probably some other stuff like the Chipmunks album when it wasn't misfiled or lost somewhere.

I think you can see in that selection that I was raised to enjoy (if not merely tolerate) a little variety of music.

But, friends. I have found the limit. There is a song that absolutely makes me cringe when I hear the first measure. I turn it off immediately. (yeah...I listen to Christmas radio...) But, here's the thing...If I don't turn it off in time, I start to get teary eyed.

Do you know which song I'm talking about?

Which kind of person are you? Someone who likes this song? Or someone who truly despises this song despite the fact that it might you make cry like a baby...because it's so emotionally manipulative!!!

Two kinds, people...two kinds...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

confession # 19 - what's the word?

When titling the last post, I didn't want to use the word "activities".

But, I didn't know if it was "pass times" or "past times".

Which one is correct?

(This reminds me of the birthday card Sarah sent me a few years back. On the front two old ladies are sitting on a park bench and it one asks, "Is it buck naked or butt naked?")

one of my favorite winter activities might surprise you

Am I the only one who absolutely loves to kick the built-up snow behind my tires? Oh man. I love it when a big chunk of mushy snow gets kicked loose and goes splat.

Some people like ice-skating and others like cross-country skiing. But, kicking mud flap snow is for me!

(yes. i know i sound like a 10 year old boy named hezekiah who doesn't have a neighbor within a 20 mile radius. but, i just like me some snow-kickin'!)

Monday, December 8, 2008

pretty pretty fabric

Here's the easiest way for me to show my lovely customers some of the latest fabric options (for now). I registered with Etsy, but won't start listing until 2009. I don't think I could honestly add an Etsy store to my plate right now.

Also...back to fabrics...keep in mind the others I've shown are available, too.

I put a quarter on each fabric to help you see the size of the pattern.

I want to note that these patterns (below) are large. See that itty bitty quarter? Yeah. I'm learning. Next time, I'll make sure the quarter is the same size in each picture.

Friday, December 5, 2008

homemade gifts

A new commenter asked (half-joking) if anyone had any good homemade gift ideas. It's a great question. I'm curious. What the best homemade gift you've ever received? Or...ever given?

Or...if you can leave the comment discreetly...what's the worst homemade gift you've received?

I'll start with something wonderful from Allison! She's sent me so many great homemade things (such as my first nursing cover up!), but, these take the cake. She embroidered these buttons and told me to slap them on some flip flops. So great. I've worn these out pretty much. But the best part? They are secured with velcro! I can just transfer my beloved buttons to another pair of flip flops next summer! Brilliant!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

beware of the Kirby salesman

He's not bad. He's just really, really convincing.

The Kirby vacuum sucked up this dust cake in a matter of moments.

Of course, I now would like to be the proud owner of a Kirby vacuum. But, friends, these dust bustin' Cadillacs is fo' high roll-uhz!!!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

christmas shopping

I haven't gone. I haven't bought one thing yet. I haven't even assessed who's on the Christmas gift list.

Where are you with this? On top of your game? Half way there? Finished in October?

I'm just wondering if I am the only procrastinator....

By the way, thanks for the comments about caroling. I really thought caroling was dead...and that perhaps I'd fabricated the memories. It's still half-alive, huh? You carolers are all welcome at my doorstep!!! I'll even give you some apple cider if you give me a heads up!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

whatever happened to Christmas caroling??

Did I grow up in a bubble? Or, did Christmas caroling die in the early nineties? Or, do people still do this?

Did any of you go Christmas caroling as a child? Or, do you to this day????

Monday, December 1, 2008

sometimes backwards theology feels so true

Today, Jillian was so difficult. So into everything. So destructive. I sat down, picked her up, lifted her high above my head and said,
"Jillian, with you, all things are impossible."