Sunday, April 20, 2008

and do not lean on your own understanding

So, here's the story. As you can see in the "indecision" post, I was arguing with myself about how the boys should be educated next fall. I kept wracking my brain with the whole "pros and cons" thing. I was trying to soul search and figure out my motivations. I was trying to figure out what is the best education for them. It was so exhausting.

But, here's the back story. Here's the part that I was ignoring: the part about the financial package. Remember how I said that I was "waiting for God's answer in the form of a financial package"?? Remember how I said, "we received a really good financial package"??

There's even more. About a month ago or more, I started praying that God would show us His will for us in regards to education through the financial situation. Finances would come through three ways: us, family and financial aid (all God, by the way). We determined the maximum amount we felt comfortable with family covering (which was a lot!), we determined the amount we were able to cover (not so much moolah), and then prayed that, if it was God's will, that the remainder would be provided for through financial aid (which was a monstro chunk). No one, but us knew the figures we came up with. Within a few weeks, I received word from my family that they were "set to pay"...THE EXACT AMOUNT we were thinking we would need from family. That was astounding to me.

But, as we got closer to the date, I was getting antsy. I had received an email from a homeschool curricula publisher that they were going to host an all-day seminar (last Wednesay). I'd heard the speaker before and thought, "Okay, if I'm going to be home schooling, then I want to go hear this guy speak so that I can get pumped up and energized to do this." But, on the other hand, I don't want to go hear him, convince myself to home school and then find out that all the money has been provided for the wonderful private school that's three minutes away from my house!?! My amazing husband suggested that I go with the idea that it will all be helpful information for the summer. Great idea! Oh, and he was willing to take the day off work and stay with Miles and Jillian. He's super wonderful.

So, I went. I got pumped up. Then I got tired of being at the conference. Then I came home and opened a fat packet from the school which confirmed that they gave even MORE than we hoped for.
And then, I was confused and scared to make a decision.
I was in a tizzy thinking about all of this when a friend reminded me of how we prayed through this and how God answered. And I thought on, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your path." He had answered boldly, yet, I was still trying to lean on my own understanding. Why was I not trusting him? Do I believe God is sovereign over all?? YES! Do I believe he hears our prayers??? YES! Do I trust in Him with all my heart?? Good question! And the hazy fog began to clear. Do I trust a formula for education? Or do I trust GOD? Do I believe that God is in this? YES! Do I have to worry about anything? No. I really don't.

So, that's my story.


Jenny said...

THAT is cool. PB&J here I come.

Mr and Mrs said...

Jenna, I am so glad to read your TIZZY instead of believing I am the only crazy mama out there with a bizillion thoughts boinging around at the speed of light - ahh to rest with the Lord, what quietness!


Anonymous said...

Life's litle surprises..My grandsons doing the dishes....and Jillian, so big....Love all