Friday, April 18, 2008


Okay. I am maybe the most indecisive person I know. I like to keep all options open for as long as possible. We just received a really good financial package from the school. Problem? I really think sending my boys to school next year is possibly the most sad, and most wonderful thing all at the same time.

I just can't decide what we should do next year.

I don't want to commit for next year...I will it feel then? I can't believe I'm admitting that I want my FEELINGS to inform my decision. And here's something I've noticed. For the last three days, I wake up thinking, "I could home school the kids." And then, as the day progresses, I have this really trapped feeling and think, "No. I can't. I need to send them to school.."

What gives?

My home schooling friends encourage me to follow my heart and home school. And, of course, the converse is true. There are a few exceptions , but that's pretty much the rule.

My feelings. My convictions. There's a battle going on in my heart. I feel like reading this, it's so obvious, right? Convictions seems like the right answer. Am I just not trusting that the Lord will supply my every need? Or has he through scholarship? And is it really a CONVICTION? Or is the "conviction" just a romanticized fantasy of raising up children who are brilliant and selfless...because I taught them? Is it pride? Do I feel like I have the power to determine their outcome ultimately?

There are more details, but I'm exhausted thinking about it. And I've got a Monday deadline.

Oh, friends, I'm in a tizzy...does anyone else know this feeling?


Jenny said...

Jenna, I know you've made your decision... so I know you're not in a tizzy anymore, Praise the Lord. I read in a devotional just yesterday that the author was going to "refuse Tizzy's invitation". So funny that you used the same word.

I'm glad you found peace. Latte?

Karla Briggs said...

What do the boys want to do? Peace, Aunt Karla

Jenna said...

Welcome, Karla!!! Love to you and Uncle Tup! The boys don't have a strong opinion either way, to be honest. This is good and bad. It's good that they aren't pulling one way for the other because they don't have the foresight and wisdom a parent should have. So, I don't think their opinion should carry very much weight. It's not good, because I want them to STRONGLY agree with our decision-jumping up and down with cheers-because I love verbal affirmation that much!
I don't think I'm being very clear, but that's because I'm trying to hurry a comment...I should be doing laundry!
I love you and hope all is well in CO!! Is your garden greening up yet??