indecision

Okay. I am maybe the most indecisive person I know. I like to keep all options open for as long as possible. We just received a really good financial package from the school. Problem? I really think sending my boys to school next year is possibly the most sad, and most wonderful thing all at the same time.

I just can't decide what we should do next year.

I don't want to commit for next year...I mean...how will it feel then? I can't believe I'm admitting that I want my FEELINGS to inform my decision. And here's something I've noticed. For the last three days, I wake up thinking, "I could home school the kids." And then, as the day progresses, I have this really trapped feeling and think, "No. I can't. I need to send them to school.."

What gives?

My home schooling friends encourage me to follow my heart and home school. And, of course, the converse is true. There are a few exceptions , but that's pretty much the rule.

My feelings. My convictions. There's a battle going on in my heart. I feel like reading this, it's so obvious, right? Convictions seems like the right answer. Am I just not trusting that the Lord will supply my every need? Or has he through scholarship? And is it really a CONVICTION? Or is the "conviction" just a romanticized fantasy of raising up children who are brilliant and selfless...because I taught them? Is it pride? Do I feel like I have the power to determine their outcome ultimately?

There are more details, but I'm exhausted thinking about it. And I've got a Monday deadline.

Oh, friends, I'm in a tizzy...does anyone else know this feeling?