Thursday, January 1, 2009

i hopped on the computer to do something else, but my desire to write a "brain dump" cannot be overcome

I really have a lot to say, but I don't want to overwhelm you with bulky paragraphs. I will try to be brief.

I think I have a habit of inadvertently making people feel insignificant. I hope it's not true, but if it is, I don't know what to do about it.

Reading the Bible:
I want to do this everyday this year (well, not just this year...). What I read affects what I want. That can be good...or dangerous.

I'm trying to figure out why I dreaded (and would have avoided) Christmas this year. That's not to say I wasn't excited to see my parents and aunts and uncle who visited. I highly anticipated that. But, Christmas, the gifts, the's shameful for me to admit this so blatantly, but I could have skipped it.

My hopes for him range from incredibly superficial (Please, Lord, give him another front tooth!) to desperate pleading (Lord, save him!!! I want to see him satisfied in You!). On a somewhat separate note, I've learned that he's just not that expressive and I need to stop faulting (and sometimes loathing) him for his communication style. I know I sound harsh, but maybe the next category will clarify...

(my) Emotions:
When I communicate how I feel about something, I am NOT making the statement that this is how I SHOULD feel about it. What I usually mean is, "I'm feeling _______, but I know that's not right and I need to change." Recently realized that Brent is totally different. (You're all saying "duh".) And so when he hears me say, "I'm feeling ________." He thinks I mean that the circumstance needs to change...not me. Nope. I need to change.

the Ankle:
Feels so much better. Still can't walk normally, still need the brace, but don't necessarily need crutches. Had company over last night and was honestly embarrassed that I was neither nimble nor quick!

New Year's Eve meal:
Chipotle + a margarita = a colon cleanse, I think. Hm. Maybe we should submit the bill to Health Partners.

New Year's Eve company and games:
Games + three couples who love games = lots and lots of hilarity. Learned a new game. If I can find a directions online, I'll link here. It would be worth your time. I'm addicted. I want to play right now.

hm...I've written a post about the latest thing I read. I need to edit it and see if I want to post. I love fiction. I can finish novels. It's impossible for me to be too careful about what I feed my brain, though. Seriously. I think it can send me into a spiritual coma or something. And I don't think the solution is a buncha Christian lit. I could use a list of tried and true novels that won't pollute my mind.

the blog:
How much can I reveal in my heart without feeling overly exposed? And...why do I even have a blog? I mean, I just meant it to be a virtual scrapbook and now it's like some Christmas letter with too many random details that never ends...

Speaking of Christmas Letters...
I didn't send out Christmas cards this year. Fits in with the inexplicable Christmas-dread thing. I've thought about doing a New Year's card, but I can tell already that I probably won't follow through with it.

Ending this post:
I have to do it somehow. How about abruptly?


Anonymous said...

correction: 2.5 couples who love to play games. never liked 'em. YET, the .5 still had a helluva fun time.

if anything, the two of you make others feel MORE significant than they would on any given average day. keep it up.

stop stressin, gurl. O-Nine's gonna rule.

peace ~

Anonymous said...

Love your brain dumps, friend.

Sorry about the colon cleanse. Yikes!

tiffany said...

loved this post.

Jenny said...

Sweet friend, I am so refreshed by your humble honesty and transparency in this post! Your self-reflection is a breath of fresh air to me.

I want to hear about this game.

I didn't do Christmas cards either. No shame. I think I had a bit of the same Christmas dread.

Jen said...

I think "Christian Literature" is an oxymoron.

Toiling Ant said...

I suggest reading "Gilead" by Marilynne Robinson. Lovely, and mind-building, not polutting.

Jeff said...

Found this post via Abraham's 22 Words...

"I could use a list of tried and true novels that won't pollute my mind."
Perhaps see the list my wife wrote, noting recent gems she found. Enjoy.

Tammy S. said...

Author Jamie Langston Turner
Present day author, well written books, no idealistic themes.
Awarded two Christy awards for:
A Garden to Keep
Winter Birds


Daniel said...

Through 22 words...

I loved Crime and Punishment when I read it last Summer because of how it renders sin on a psychological level. Scarily but helpfully, I saw a lot of myself as I read.

Nothing beats Milton's Paradise Lost if you're in the mood for an epic. If you decide to read this check out C.S. Lewis' Preface to Paradise Lost.

On the easier end of the spectrum I would go for The Hobbit, Narnia or Animal Farm, although I don't know what you've read.

Happy Reading!

Jenna said...

thanks for the suggestions! next on the docket is "Peace Like a River". After that, we'll see. Gilead has been recommended so much, that I'm almost sure I'll read it in 2009.

Daniel! Who do you think I am? Can't you tell I grew up in public school?! I'm teasing...either me or you, I can't even tell. I love the Chronic-what?-cles of Narnia. I did set building for a production of Animal Farm in college and really couldn't stand it, but maybe I should read it instead. And I'm really curious to check out Paradise Lost. That wasn't even on the radar for me.

Thanks again to all of your for your input!!!